Learning to pee outdoors: the practical guide to hiking with small kids

Most things with small kids is a royal pain in the ass. Whether it’s taking them to Target (“no, you cannot buy that $200 life sized Frozen doll”), going to a restaurant (“so help me God if you lick the table one more time I will not feel bad for you if you get Lockjaw”), or, you know just about anything. But hiking. Hiking is not a huge pain in the ass. Really, I promise (sort of).

Think of hiking as an opportunity to control the chaos. For the most part you have an open area to run, play, jump, swim, or do most of the things that kids love. I mean there are exceptions of course. The Navajo Loop Trail at Bryce Canyon is a death defying walk along a steep edge that careens down a cliff. We did this hike with the girls and all I could think about was Lil taking a swan dive off of one side when we were at the top. So, yeah, wandering kids beware. But that’s the exception, not the rule.

Most hikes, whether they’re less than a mile, a few miles, or even 4 miles, are a blast to do with kids. We’ve had a lot of practice where we live in the PNW but on our roadtrip we took ample opportunity to get the kids out in the wilds to trip over things, help us navigate, and find large boulders they should not be attempting to climb (but did anyway). We probably did a few dozen short, medium, and long hikes with the kids on our trip and given that experience, I’ve compiled a few pointers, how-tos, and hikes that are ideal for kids. 

How far can you hike?

Let me start by saying that my wife and I are decent hikers. Like maybe a 5 out of 10. But we ain’t hiking the Pacific Crest Trail or the AT or any wild shit like that. So if you’re an intense hiker, you can skip this section because I don’t think I have anything to offer. Everyone else, read on!

The second point is that we are big fans of hauling the little kids around in backpacks. We’ll get more into which backpack below but they offer a lot of freedom to move around and gives the kids an opportunity “break into” hiking (by riding along like a damn freeloader). It can get old letting the kid out of the backpack, putting them back in, letting them out, etc, etc so if you’re looking to set some land speed records, leave the kids at home.

Ok, all this being said, here’s my general rule of thumb. For each year in age, take the age and divide by 2 to get a sense for how long they can hike. A 3 year old should be able to do 1.5 miles, a 4 year old 2 miles, so on, so forth. There are a ton of factors governing this: how flat is the hike, how hangry is the kid, how hangry are the parents, do you have enough nutrigrain bars to feed a small elephant, etc. We did several 3.5 mile hikes with our 4 year old but it took the occasional cajoling, bribing, and swearing from mom and dad to pull it off. We’ve also done 1 mile hikes where she swears her legs are going to fall off. So this little rule has a lot of caveats. But I think it’s directionally right.

What gear do the kids need?

I will never forget a relatively leisurely hike we did at Grand Teton National Park. The Hidden Falls Trail is a 2.5 mile trail that hugs Jenny Lake near one of the visitors center. It’s popular, easy, and full of tourists (like us). Every damn kid we saw was decked out in $200 worth of REI stuff. Hiking boots, nice Patagonia gear, etc. And if that’s your vibe, cool. Go for it! But the kids don’t need it. Half the time our oldest was wearing a dress and carrying a “purse”. She did almost all of her hikes on our trip in a raggedy pair of target “fashion boots”.

One thing that does help is to give the kids a small backpack. This is for two reasons:

So they can mule their own stuff.

Bottles of water, snacks, small toys to keep them occupied, a change of clothes. I can’t stress enough how important it is to bring a change of clothes. You never know what you’re going to encounter in the woods. Sometimes it’s a nice little hole to wade into, other times it’s a mud pile to splash around in, but mostly it’s to change out of clothes when an accident happens.

A sense of responsibility

If there’s anything I’ve learned as a parent that I did not really consider pre-kids is the importance of giving kids responsibility early and often. If you go on a hike and tell a kid that they have their own backpack to carry their own shit, a sense of grown-up-ness kicks in. They feel like big, responsible people. Lean into that.

Come to the hike prepared

Mom and/or dad’s only role here is to come to the hike prepared to handle any eventuality. Here are a few things

Teach your kids to pee in the woods

This is some fundamental life advice shit right here you guys. We didn’t go anywhere on our roadtrip without a tiny portable potty in the car. Our youngest was about 2 months fresh off of being potty trained which is basically like carrying around a live nuclear warhead that has a few loose wires. You don’t know when it’s gonna go off but when it does, you wanna run for cover. That’s what a newly potty trained 2 1/2 year old is like. However, you can’t really bring that out on a hike, can you? So learning to pee in the woods is critical. I have girls which means I was basically useless at imparting this life skill but thankfully mom is a champion outdoor pee-er so she got our girls good and ready for us.

Backpacks (for carrying kids)

If your kids are 3 and under, you will need 1, maybe 2 backpacks. The first is to store all your shit in (assuming your children are too small to lug their own stuff around). The second backpack is to haul them damn kids around. We ended up buying a Phil and Ted Parade Baby Carrier. It’s comfortable, easily adjusted, has a few storage compartments (not that much storage tough. it won’t fit a boombox or a Papa Murphy’s pizza or anything), and even has a cup holder for the kid. We liked it so much that it ended up replacing our stroller for non hikes. I figured if I was leaving the house to head to TJ Maxx to do some casual shopping while toting a 25 pound turkey, I might as well strap it to my back and get some exercise.

Backpacking through Bryce Canyon

Food / Snacks / Drinks

My parenting philosophy can be distilled down into this very simple rule:

“Keep the kids fed and 95% of parenting is a breeze”

Ok that’s not *exactly* true but it feels right? Especially on a hike! Bring nutrigrain bras, granola, goldfish, whatever to keep the kids fed. And if the kids are fed, they are likely to be happy.

Bear Spray

So I always knew that bears existed and that they likely had been in my general vicinity at some point on some hike I had previously done. But I assumed that since I had never actually seen one that I didn’t really need to worry about them. This is extremely dumb, especially when you have kids with you. We did a hike around the Rockefeller Preserve at Grand Teton National Park (more on that below) and when we rolled in, the ranger asked me if I had bear spray. Fortunately that day I did and he said “good, a bear stole a hiker’s backpack yesterday right where you’re headed”😳 . And while we didn’t actually see a bear that day, it gave me some peace of mind that we had the bear spray and that I had discussed with our oldest how to use it (if a bear had actually sprung out on us lord only knows if either of us would have used it properly).

Our favorite kid friendly hikes

A few of the more memorable hikes we did on our road trip. Each of these is less than 4 miles and (mostly) kid friendly.

Poly Canyon Trail (San Luis Obispo, CA): This is home to the Architecture Graveyard at Cal Polytechnic State university. It is also home to waist high grass that lit my allergies on fire like a bonfire. But the hike was fantastic, if not a little hard to find.

Arch Rock Trail (Joshua Tree National Park, CA): Probably one of the more popular hikes at JTNP, Arch Rock is relatively short (around 2 miles), totally flat, and has a lot of random rocks to climb and jump off of. Bonus points if you do this hike and add the off trail hike Heart Rock Trail

Navajo Loop Trail (Bryce Canyon, UT): We were told beforehand not to take kids on this trail. Mostly because of the steep cliffs but also because it is INTENSE. Like a 500’ elevation change in a little over a mile. There are switchbacks and then more switchbacks and then moreeeeee switchbacks. But it is easily one of the most beautiful and amazing hikes I’ve ever done. It didn’t hurt that when we finished, our oldest (then 4 1/2) said to me “I did it! I did it! I didn’t think I’d finish that!”. It was cute to see how proud she was of herself.

Lake Creek Woodland Trail Loop (Rockefeller Preserve, Grand Teton National Park, WY): I wrote a bit about this hike in my 2021 highlights post. We ended up doing about 3.5 miles by myself with the girls which felt like a feat unto itself (seriously, managing 2 kids under 5 on a 3.5 mile hike ain’t no joke). The hike is flat and hugs a river most of the way so there’s always something to look at (and throw rocks into). The midway point of the hike is a beautiful lake (where bears hang out and snatch backpacks apparently). If you’re near GTNP, I highly recommend this hike. But get there early, parking is limited and fills up fast.